it's a jungle out there

2012-01-28T02:45:00.000-08:00

love is the malady
love is the cure

corn

2011-12-13T22:55:00.000-08:00

Let me introduce you to the joys of a corn-cap. If you develop a patch of harmless tough skin on a limb or digit, you are expected to promptly cap it with a white bandage with what can only be described as a ‘ring of fire’ in the middle. The little felt surface contains a ‘medicinal’ (read mildly acidic or skin-eating) paste that will destroy your corn within a span of five days or less.

Meanwhile, you have to sit around, with a dirty white bandage on your foot or finger, patiently waiting for your skin to be corroded slowly. Is it just me, or does that sound like a government conspiracy right out of a flesh-eating-virus movie?

Just me, then? Fine!

scatter

2011-12-11T21:40:00.000-08:00

For every one you save, there is always one lost. and until you can distance yourself enough to see the pattern in which each loss and gain is just a thread in the fabric, each loss hurts.

And you can explain everything to yourself, bit by bit, till you think it makes sense. but then an epiphany, or something as insignificant as a cancelled plan, makes everything scatter like sunshine on water. then all is chaos, it's too loud to hear yourself over.

then what do you do?

recluse

2011-09-09T14:52:00.000-07:00

when i'm alone, i'm more sedate, more sensitive, better attuned to the million vibrant details the universe wants to show me. i like myself better that way.

late night conversation with a friend made me articulate what i'd known about myself all along. i'm not a people person.

2011-08-12T14:42:00.000-07:00

is 3 A.M. very late at night, or very early in the morning?

return

2011-07-24T02:43:00.000-07:00

i have so much to say, that i'm at a loss. constantly. so i blog less, talk less. instead i doodle, fold all my words into paper flowers in the brightest colours.

meanwhile, there's monsoon. unpredictable and abuzz with dragonflies. so i look up before it rains, and after, and grin to myself.
the last of the red is fading from the Gulmohars, still they leave the occasional perfect crimson blossom in my path.
red is the colour of wonder.

life has settled back in its own odd ways. some things one has to leave behind.

p.s.: in a city of 4.5 million people, there's not one decent pet and stray care clinic open on sundays. people just don't give a shit.

hate

2011-06-10T07:52:00.000-07:00

it's just beginning to dawn on me...what a detestable person i really am.
and this isn't an indulgent self-loathing exercise. believe me.
more and more people I've cared about deeply, fussed over, trusted, been proud of, criticized, loved, choose to make it clear that they hate me. I'm that something they can do without.

and it's a lot for one person to deal with.

p.s.: i have a job. boring, but it might pay well.

babies

2011-05-19T13:43:00.000-07:00

why does everyone assume babies like to be cuddled?

work

2011-05-16T02:53:00.000-07:00

my end semester exams are less than 24 hours away.

and so, i've found these:
buttersafe
feel afraid
9gag

enjoy.

oh, and i'm doomed.

hurt

2011-04-29T12:28:00.000-07:00

I wish for the strength to gather up everything I've ever invested, and walk away.
quietly, unceremoniously, like I was never there.

I want to be able to find a way around this. I want to give myself a chance to get used to it. I want to last long enough for it to lose its sting. like it never happened.

till then, I wish for the strength to survive this. every day I try to reason it away. it's not a loss. I never had you.

Ujaan

2011-02-11T20:32:00.000-08:00

just putting in a word for Ujaan, a 3 day music and art festival being organised in aid of the Sundarbans. the video is delightful. :)

for more information visit http://www.ujaanfestival.org/

back

2011-01-30T10:43:00.000-08:00

doing an average of five hours of classes four days a week, can do strange things to a person.
like making them drop their touchscreen phone into a large cup of milonda coffee.
gah.

my replacement phone has a red stripe along the edge. it's exactly the kind of phone I'd never buy.

there are about a dozen new puppies on campus, and that's more than enough to make me grin stupidly for the better part of the day. and then there are the people who complicate my life, and make it easier, all at the same time.
and the boimela haul to keep me engaged.

the first rain of the year fell this evening.
*bliss*

hoover

2010-11-24T07:36:00.000-08:00

my (tussock moth) caterpillar spun a cocoon, and tucked itself in for about a week. then he emerged as a moth (a rather ugly one, he was much prettier as a caterpillar), and flew away.

it was fascinating to watch the whole process unfold, from gorging on basil leaves (he was called Hoover for his voracious appetite), to carefully constructing a cocoon out of delicate silver threads, to emerging altered beyond recognition. imagine going to sleep one day, and waking up with wings the next. must feel amazing. :)

then i had to let him go.

*empty nest syndrome*

prejudice

2010-11-15T13:34:00.000-08:00

In researching for my term papers recently, I've come to realise that two of the four papers I'm taking this semester, are deeply unchristian. every other webpage i found, was run by religious interest groups, warning people against the agents of the devil, who walk among us.

Rock music is the sound of the devil, every rock band and musician in history having sworn their allegiance to Satan, set out to do the only sensible thing for them to do: corrupt young minds through the spectacle of stage shows, and rousing lyrics, steeped in evil.

The other course, queer studies, is even more evil of course. given that God doesn't approve of homosexuality. though he does love homosexuals.whatever that means.homosexuals too have set out to corrupt children, and push what is known as 'the homosexual agenda' under peoples' noses.

I'm so glad I'm not Catholic.

getaway

2010-10-24T21:55:00.000-07:00

back from my brief but delightful vacation, and struggling to settle back into my groove.
let me tell you about the little bit of magic that followed me around for a couple of days. the dragonfly outside the window of my hotel room, a red kite in the sky. the late-night walk on an empty strip of wet sand.
sand between my toes. :)
and new acquaintances, who take only minutes to decide they want to follow you around for a bit, perhaps get to know you better.

the idea is to know and cherish the fact that no matter where your travels might take you, you'll never walk alone. :)

whirlwind

2010-09-19T01:36:00.000-07:00

it's been a little crazy lately.
but in a good way.

after it stops raining, the air outside my window is abuzz with dragonflies.
it's my new favorite thing.
what's yours?

2010-08-15T23:45:00.000-07:00

when you walked in
with your mind still damp
from the monsoon that
has engulfed the city
a month after it should've...

i was spooling my thoughts
into brightly coloured strains,
reeling them in slowly
carefully wrapping them up
for safekeeping.

among a hundred identical
neatly labelled jars,
you could try to find yourself.
it's always all been here,
i only ever pretend to forget.

wanderlust

2010-07-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

sometimes you need to be reminded what your missing.
it could be a book, tantalising you with glimpses of a rich patchwork of adventure and surreal patterns, it could be a friend telling you that what you really need is to run away for just a little while, it could be a suddenshower and the right notes of jazz.

it could be almost anything.
almost anything could give you the necessary nudge... shake you out of your reverie just as you're preparing to complacently settle into the reassuring sameness of the familiar.

restlessness. it can be a good thing. :)

story

2010-05-07T00:11:00.000-07:00

So then the ravenous monster says to the tiny fly: "I'd eat you in a jiffy, but I'm a little worried about the quality...you might disagree with my system..."

Here, dear readers, I'd really like to say, that like most tiny protagonists, our fly was really witty and smooth-talking, but I'm afraid i cannot lie.

He wasn't. He was downright stupid, in fact.
so he said, "well, i know what you mean, but if it helps, i have taken a hot shower this very morning...do you like your meat rare?"
(and all with a smile)

"that'd be nice." said the R.M. and swallowed the fly whole.

-the end-

2010-04-21T22:57:00.000-07:00

this one's for you.
if i were to tell you how much you mean to me, you'd check my temperature, or ask me if i was stoned.
there's no mush, usually. we make an exception in blog-posts.
every mad-dash movie, every unnecesssary shopping expedetion, goodfood indulgence with you, is a comfort.

knowing that i can turn to you even when everyone else either passes out or wanders off, is enough.
thankyou. you keep me sane (or insane, whichever).
Soul's sister and all that jazz.
i'd be more than a little lost without you.

p.s.: know, that if you move to another city, i'll hunt you down and kick your ass.
yes i can! :|

also, i've linked every 'you' to ze blog i love less than 'glass'. i win. mwahaha!! :)

orange

2010-03-17T13:53:00.000-07:00

well hello there! :)

i can't believe I've been too lazy to blog all winter! believe me, i intended to, even attempted to, but lost steam halfway through the process of signing in every single time!
blogging is too complicated, i tell you! whatever happened to good old verbal exchanges?!

i had many interesting winter-related observations to make, for example, have you noticed how orange candy is just glycerine soap in miniature? observe:

see!
i've forgotten absolutely all my other ruminations on winter. meh.

2009-12-16T19:38:00.000-08:00

after ungraciously abandoning my blog for several months, I'm back! :)
that should be enough good news for you lot, but i shall delight you further by announcing that i shall post extremely frequently for the next week or so.

now that I've made your day, (*smug*)i shall go think up random things to post.

sadly though, i lost the bet the soliloquist and i had about 8 new blogposts in a week.
now I'll have to buy her coffee. :(

Crescendo and Catharsis

2009-11-13T11:26:00.000-08:00

It's the third day of the 15th Kolkata film festival, and so far I've watched 7 feature films and 6 short films.
i recommend Caroline Link's 'A year ago in winter', not because i think it's particularly highbrow, but because it's very human. although the end might disappoint you. and it did make me wonder if in reality, there's ever a build-up to the grand finale of realisation and emotional display.
or is that something directors put in to make their otherwise relatable characters seem larger than life?
also, at the cost of ruining the film for you: there's closure, for everyone. :)

p.s.: do you think God made dogs to make cats looks smarter than they really are? just a thought.

Mahanabami

2009-09-29T09:33:00.000-07:00

i've had a strange Pujo. "surreal, but nice." :)

feast

2009-09-15T11:37:00.000-07:00

i'm reading a book called A Matter of Taste: the Penguin Book of Indian Writing on Food, and this picture is on the cover:

the book is an interesting read, but the cover is what really caught my attention. i've realised that only in a Jamini Roy painting does a cat get a whole lobster to itself.

night

2009-09-15T11:09:00.000-07:00

have you ever tried singing 'Dear Prudence' at the top of your lungs, in the shower, around midnight?
it's unbelievably liberating!

i can't fall asleep very easily. sometimes it's a bit of a problem, but if you must have a condition, insomnia is one of the best to have!
staying up late is like stretching your day by at least three hours! which is a blessing if you're one of those people who always have a ton of work to do.
or that other kind, who just like to have a lot of lazy me-time on their hands.

nights are for long showers, and good music, for re-watching feel-good romantic comedies.
nights are for conversations,and for settling down to a new book, or a much read, old favorite.

call it hedonism. :)

2009-09-03T10:15:00.000-07:00

i saw a bright red kite today! =)

Nothing to be done.

2009-08-20T16:02:00.000-07:00

i'm taking two completely different courses this semester, that are simultaneously trying to explain to me the futility of human endeavor.

*sigh*
i'm too young for such cynicism. o_O

"Severus, please..."

2009-08-08T11:50:00.000-07:00

have you watched the new Harry Potter movie?

if you haven't, may i offer a teensie bit of advise? don't.
at least not if you're a Harry Potter fan (or were, a couple of years ago...because we've all moved past that phase!).
if, however, what you really want to watch is a half-assed romantic comedy, with dark, broody undertones, go right ahead!

let me ask you this, did you enjoy 'The holiday'? you know, the kind where two or more inter-connected couples all hook up at the same time?
now imagine random bits of the film salad-tossed with a Hamlet inspired plotline.

there you go!
you've practically seen it now! :)
yes, you're welcome! *benevolent smile*

also, the moment towards the end where Dumbledore pleads with Snape, which in the book was beautiful and heartbreaking, is so blah! :(

green

2009-07-29T12:24:00.000-07:00

there are no patterns, no order, not in anything.
it's all a maze of flitting, whirring images and moments. everything and everyone, a constant frenzy of activity. like there has been way too much caffeine.

the campus is always a fierce, vivid green this time of year. everything is overgrown, and bursting into fresh blossoms.
monsoon is our spring, i think.
the narrower paths have been engulfed by the tall grass in many shades of green, and even the trees that had been uprooted by the storm, have decided to take root and sprout bright green stalks and leaves.
the jheels are full to the point of overflowing, and after each shower there's always the overpowering scent of damp earth to look forward to.

meaningless conversation, over strong milk tea.
JU is home now. :)

we all fall down

2009-07-22T10:38:00.000-07:00

i had a great fall.
much like Humpty Dumpty, only slightly less severe.
there wasn't as much damage, and they didn't have to bring in the King's men, although there was talk of getting in touch with some of the horses.

falling down is actually quite spectacular, if you think about it. here's a person, normally entirely in control of all their movements, who suddenly slips/ stumbles, loses their balance completely, and in what is quite often a swift, almost comic motion, lands on the ground with a resounding thump!
to the person in question, of course, it is slightly less entertaining. but there's that moment in the middle where you're swooshing through the air with absolutely no idea where you are, or what's going on, quite clueless about when or where your bottom will come to a rest. it's a little like being drunk!

anyway, the point is, the only thing seriously injured, was my ego (and my left palm, which went quite red and achey for a while). and i shall never again giggle when people randomly take a tumble.

feline folly

2009-06-07T13:50:00.000-07:00

have you ever dangled a bit of string in front of a cat. if you haven't, you absolutely must try it.

step 1: find cat. if you have a cat, brilliant! find it. if you don't have a cat and your neighbour does, kidnap it.

step 2: find string. yarn works just as well.

step 3: put the two together. dangle the string in front of the cat, or drag it across the floor (string, not cat). keep it out of furry's reach, and keep it moving.

I've always thought cat-toys were designed to humiliate and insult the intelligence of these normally dignified and intelligent (my cat happens to be an exception) animals. that was before i tried the string trick.
watch as they start acting like retarded kittens.

be warned, they can chase the string for hours on end without tiring.

2

2009-06-01T11:59:00.001-07:00

when the afternoon sun hits the asphalt, I want you to be there with me.
stand right behind me and watch it with me.
I want you to witness the exact same things I see, if only to confirm my sanity.

yes, phase 2: emo blogging :)

1

2009-05-29T08:31:00.000-07:00

phase 1: organised blogging

* the cyclone was called AILA!
* have discovered green apples
* exam over.
* don't ask
* lunch at TD, today.
* i'll never wear white again!
* writer's block
* Gah!

coming up next: phase 2 - emo blogging.
followed by 'yay! i'm a 5yr. old' blogging.

* goodbye

2009-05-07T21:49:00.000-07:00

what does "Inquilab Zindabad" even mean anymore?!
what revolution?

P.S.: okay, so i've read 1984 ant The Book Thief back to back (and re-read Animal Farm). that should explain the moral outrage ;)

2009-04-17T08:50:00.000-07:00

this song is stuck in my head.
:)

Indian summer

2009-04-17T08:39:00.000-07:00

sometimes i feel like i'm made entirely of sweat and grit.
weary from the overwhelming, exhausting heat of the afternoon. the breeze flickers and dies around me.

i carry the flustering heat of the dreary summer, carefully tucked into my hair, like a forbidden letter, an outrageously beautiful trinket.
Now i become the heat.
i can see you flinch as you come closer.
even as you touch me i can feel you recoil, subconciously.

i wait for it to rain. i can wait forever. there's a summer sun in my soul that devours the water before it reaches the ground.

for now, i want to wear a flower in my hair, everyday for the rest of summer.

2009-04-06T08:47:00.000-07:00

somewhere along the line of increasing whiny-ness, i realise that my blog has become a rant-blog.
of course I'm entitled to the occasional outburst, or a meltdown here and there, but I've been writing way too many rambling, pointless, sad-sigh posts.
which is why I've stayed away from my blog for a little while.

anyway, now that it's spring/summer, and everything's all tralala, I've decided to start posting again.
which is just another way of saying that i have very little to do, and am usually bored silly. so I'll brighten your days with my delightful banter. and i promise i won't rant...as much.

:)

sigh

2009-01-29T07:21:00.001-08:00

films are always misleading.

the best films are really the ones that can lie to you most convincingly. and we totally buy everything they tell us. especially if they tell us good things.
if you are a human female, chances are, you delight in warmfuzzy, happy-ending type stories. if you are a human male above the age of 10, you probably also like romantic comedies, but are embarrassed to admit it. (issokay, it happens.)

but, the most annoying are the movies that lead you to believe that the most perfect men, all sense of humour, and intellect, and incredible handsomeness, are everywhere.

they're not! all the men you encounter on the Internet are likely to be people you already know or creeps and stalkers. there's no Tom Hanks or Rahul Bose just waiting to be befriended and/or drooled over.

my life's a lie!
*sadsigh*

search

2009-01-21T13:51:00.000-08:00

there's just so much that i don't understand. people and places, stories and their stories, and music.
sometimes it all becomes a desperate search for meaning. a frustrated, sighing, lost sort of search.
because there isn't really anything i expect to find.

but then if everyone always found what they were looking for, wouldn't it all stop making sense?
everyone would just give up and go home, if they had nothing to search for, nothing to find.

phase

2009-01-12T11:13:00.000-08:00

stage 1: posting madly:
this phase constitutes of a period during which the blogger checks his\her blog everyday, and posts almost every other day.

(stage 2 of the occasional posting, and stage 3 of the 'whereyouwent' or temporary disappearance, follow)

As of now, stage 1 has begun (unintentional rhyming...symptomatic of lameness of blogger, what is otherwise known as 'not having a life')

Goo goo g' joob

2009-01-08T10:39:00.000-08:00

i was listening to 'I am the walrus' for the 786th (approx.) time today, when i realised that it was one of those songs which i had always just assumed to be deeply meaningful, you know,you ones you would speculate about, if you weren't conserving energy by not working your brain muscles.
imagine my disappointment when i finally got around to looking up the interpretation of the song, and was told by wise old Wikipedia that Lennon "wrote the most confusing lyric he could" because some kid from Quarry Bank Grammar School,wrote him a letter that said "the English master was making his class analyse Beatles lyrics".
so then Lennon went "Let the fuckers work that one out", and wrote a whole bunch of stuff,added some 'nonsense lyric' for effect, and made a song out of it.
in conclusion: 'I am the walrus' doesn't make any sense, because it's not supposed to.

that like totally made my day! NOT!

staged encounters

2008-12-21T11:59:00.000-08:00

that sums up my week.

p.s.: the blog lives.

Diva

2008-11-21T22:10:00.000-08:00

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

i always knew she had what it takes to be a star.
*sniff*

heirloom

2008-11-10T10:46:00.000-08:00

the house that is suddenly empty, has been sifted through, and in unlikely corners, secret treasures have been found.
silver anklets that jingle.
coins...silver coins, about fifteen of them, and one that looks new, even though it was minted in 1919.

cure

2008-11-01T05:49:00.000-07:00

i hate doctors.

no offence to doctors, really. i know quite a few in person, and they're all very nice people, i have absolutely no reason to complain.
but, soon as they go to work, and get all brisk, professional and doctory, i want to have nothing to do with them anymore.

this should not be confused with being 'afraid of doctors', which is not what it is, not at all! it's dislike, really!
paediatricians are great, but all their attempts to distract me, when i was a kid, only made me more nervous and suspicious. he's be saying "so, do you have any pets?", and I'd just know (with that freaky 6th sense thing that 6 yr. olds are supposed to have) that he had the hepatitis shot ready in his hand.
i mean, they're sooo noble, they save lives... i know! but they also trick children with candy and friendly chitchat!

i must go see a doctor i about an hour, who will scrutinise and say judgemental things about my tonsils. what if i like my tonsils!?

given a choice, i'd keep the achey neck and swollen nodes! okay, not really.
but i don't want to see a doctor!
:(

malady

2008-10-29T09:33:00.000-07:00

okay, let me explain my situation to you.
i have swollen lymph nodes on my neck, which means that my face is now round, so that i look something like this:

I'm also running a temperature,have the most spectacular neck-ache, and every time i try to chew something, my lower jaw hurts like it's going to fall off.
this has compelled me to sacrifice, among other things, a steak sizzler lunch.

also, my belief that my parents either
a) have the mental development of five year olds, or
b) secretly want to kill me
has been reaffirmed by the fact that they tried to give me a disprin pill, 'dissolved' in cold water! upon remembering that disprin is in fact supposed to be dissolved in warm water, the heated the entire mess, half dissolved disprin and all, and then made me drink it.

I've been living off liquids for the last couple of days, and because my Dida is away, i have absolutely no one to fuss over me.
my cat only sticks around so that she can curl up under my blanket, and my Dad has been trying, in his own special annoying, nagging-tone, to convince me to wrap a scarf around my head.

and there's never anything good on T.V. *sigh*

2008-10-21T13:18:00.000-07:00

eventually, they get used to everything.

my family now knows how to walk in a little semi-circle around the cat to avoid stepping on her...it took them a year.
the same way as they pick their way carefully around unsaid things.

eventually it grows on you, you stop noticing the empty chair, conversation returns to the dinner-table, happiness seeps in through the cracks.

and suddenly there's a way to start over. but there are some things that never go away.
even if you do get used to the new, the old seems to linger.

loss

2008-10-18T09:52:00.000-07:00

do you ever get the feeling that some things are too large, too stupendous for you to accept, or even register?
maybe when it does sink in, i'll be able to cry.
right now, it's this dead weight i cannot shed, a mass of emotion that i don't know what to do with, that i can neither escape, nor express.
i don't know whether to love them for trying to protect something they believed to be fragile, or hate them for depriving me of what i deserved to know.

grief is not something i'm quite used to

celebration

2008-10-09T12:14:00.000-07:00

i don't understand why people want to 'escape' the mad excitement of Pujo in Kolkata.
it's everything, the people, sights, sounds, foodsmells, dhuno-smoke. absolutely everything about pujo is intoxicating, happymaking.
but the lights are the best part :)

Pujo (and pre-pujo week) has been absolutely fabulous this year. i've spent just enough time with family to keep them happy,and still managed to have fun in the time left over! thankyous to the peoples that are my fraands. :)
i have even braved Bijoya...the part of Durga Pujo that makes me want to duck under the bed and stay there.

it's all good :)

okay, except this one incident:
i ran into a whole bunch of my friends from school, the one time i was out with my mum! i mean, what are the chances??!

also, the only booze i've had this pujo, was with family :(

and i was groped on the bus :( and all i could do was ask the guy what is problem was, and tell him to back off. but he didn't.
it was a really crowded bus.

okay, three.

driftwood

2008-09-26T09:11:00.000-07:00

let's not be drifters, please.
it's so much more difficult.

crisis

2008-09-19T14:10:00.001-07:00

there's no way i'm ever going to make it.
there isn't enough time.

i feel like i'm not doing enough, there's people out there, making decisions...making changes.
people almost exactly like me...but i can't even make up my mind.

this isn't the time, or the place. it's all wrong.
what if i'm not ready to let go of these things, not ready to move on...then again, what if i never move on at all? what if this is all there is to it?
if i'm not ready now, maybe i'll never be.

security is not a good thing. it makes you want to let go. to just slow down and take it easy. but that way, there won't be any perfection, just me.

and that's not good enough.

confession

2008-09-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

sometimes i don't get xkcd

*nods head sadly*

this one is great, though! very me :D

elevated

2008-09-04T12:38:00.000-07:00

remember the expression 'jelly legs'?
today, i discovered for myself, the literal meaning of the phrase!
though the ankle still hurts...i feel great!
good trip, it was :)

i'd like to thank 'senior-dada' for leading the way :D

molar

2008-08-22T11:03:00.000-07:00

i'm getting a wisdom tooth.

technically, a 'mandibular third molar'.
this extremely painful process, wikipedia tells me, usually results in the growth of oddly angled teeth. which, to avoid complications, are generally removed.

what if i don't want wisdom teeth? i mean, they're entirely unnecessary chewing-wise, and they certainly don't live up to their name!

i don't really have a choice, do i?

'have you been high today...?'

2008-08-05T11:17:00.000-07:00

why yes, i have! how very nice of you to ask!

:D

weird

2008-07-31T12:02:00.000-07:00

the other day, i had the most bizarre thing happen to me.
i was walking (yuss, i do this a lot!) along gariahat road, and rather slowly because there's always this entire mass of people who move in a particular direction along the sidewalk, and you can only walk as fast as the person in front of you, or you'll end up either pushing people or stepping on their toes!

so as i walked sleeewly, random guy walking in the opposite direction, drew up close to me, leaned over, and smelled my hair!!!

i mean, wtf!!? what is that even supposed to mean?!!!
does that at all count as eve-teasing? because he didn't really do anything to offend me, just really freaked me out!
maybe he was conducting some sort of shampoo-user survey...maybe!

p.s.: it's a free country, you can choose to be a blur if you want to. but only if you really, really want to.

kittystrophe!

2008-07-13T21:26:00.000-07:00

i rescued ze kitten :)

the black kitten (of a litter of four), tumbled down the rain-water drainage pipe, and got stuck.
which was followed by a lot of distressed mewing.the mother cat sat next to the drain-pipe and waited :O.
and it rained, i was so sure it'd drown, or suffocate.
but when i found it at the bottom of the pipe, sodden and with a splayed arm, it was still breathing.
so i dried it and took it back to it's mum, which stupid creature realised it was hers, only after sniffing it for a whole minute.

but issokay now. it's a little fluffball again, and i think the arm's healing (by arm, i mean foreleg :))

conspiracy

2008-07-06T12:26:00.000-07:00

Parental-Unit M decided to take me shopping.

Parental-Unit D frowned, and said: 'you shop too much...where would you put all that stuff anyway, you're running out of storage space...look at me, my clothes occupy exactly one and a half shelves (this is an enormous lie btw). you really don't need all the things you buy...etc.'
and then in a sort of stage whisper, to P.U.M., added: 'you know how much she's going to spend on things she'll never use.'

Parental-Unit M changed her mind, and decided to go for a walk instead.

WishList

2008-07-05T01:07:00.001-07:00

mewants...

(click image for fullview)
:)

tag

2008-06-20T12:52:00.000-07:00

okay, I've been putting this off for a little while, but I've been tagged by Reeti, and i like this tag, and therefore i shall do it! because it's MY blog, and i can. so ha-ha!

the reason I've been avoiding writing this is that my first day at Jadavpur was not what i would have liked for it to have been at all, not even close. and i wish i could say that without offending people who probably won't even read this.

i remember a lot of the same things as everyone else :rain and mudsquelchy JU, filling in the fee-book (at which point someone at the table lost her head completely, and said: "ekhane ki school-er naam likhbo?"!) on the day of the admission,
and PB's aquaguard and vampires, Mandy's very colourful skirt, and somebody beside me crying her eyes out (and when i asked, the girl next to her told me that she couldn't believe she actually got into JU!)
yes, i was just a leetle freaked! but i was insanely happy because i really liked the place.

but my initial experience at JU was rather different, more difficult than for those who already knew other people in class. everything i did, was a sort of experiment.
making new friends was not incidental, it was more of a conscious decision.
like steering clear of the people i hung around with on the first day, almost immediately after they asked where i was taking tuitions from.

my first day at Jadavpur was a disappointment.

and eventually i made the change (at the cost of sounding bitchy and inconsiderate: i ditched some people, and I'm sorry), and I'm glad i did.

thankew (yes yoo, and yoo, and yoo etc.) for making the Joo so much better for me :)

blatta

2008-06-12T11:36:00.000-07:00

how long do cockroaches live?
if they're not squashed underfoot as youngsters, that is.

there's this cockroach that sneaks into my loo every night, and waits patiently behind the wash-basin till i come in and shoo it away, at which point it scuttles back down the drain-pipe.

it's a gentle, harmless creature.
but I'm not sure if it's the same cockroach, because it's been turning up with extreme regularity everyday for about a month now!
do you suppose it's a whole bunch of cockroaches who decided to take turns to visit me?

anyway, it needs a name, what should i call it?

emopost

2008-06-08T04:02:00.000-07:00

random things i remember:

#1. stuff: the HPFC, Wayne Rooney, OJ, the badge, Schumacher.

I and S, i miss you, but i hope i never run into either of you again.

#2. crush:
'Bosco beats' (band performances) 2005.
lead singer of the DBPC band was cute, and had this silkysmooth voice and a dimpled smile...he sang 'She will be loved'(yes, i know it's a corny song.)
instantcrush :)
*
don't remember his name.

#3. conversation:
NC: let's meet at Abhinandan at 10, okay?
RK: 'Abhinandan'!! is that what we always called the place?!
NC: that's what the store is called, stupid!
RK: na, kintu the name sounds so stupid!
NC: haan, naam-ta bhishon corny, na?
RK: sounds stupid when i say it now...

i miss school.

War

2008-06-04T12:16:00.000-07:00

there was a war.

but this is how all my battles go:
i scowl (while trying to think up arguments that will stump the enemy),
i say mean things (tell the person they don't deserve my love\loyalty\attention\affection\respect), i scream\stomp my feet\sob\try emo. blackmailetc.(depending on who i'm up against)
i always, ALWAYS have the last word.
and obviously, i stop talking to the person afterwards.

eventually i find myself in the same room\classroom\bus\cab\car with person in question, at which point i do the stupid-grin-i'm-NOT-sorry-but-let's-not-do-this-again routine.
always works :)

you must understand that this doesn't happen that often, so sometimes things get royally screwed up. but when things go according to the battle-plan... *yay*
:)

the warlords

my Dida taught me the art of verbal warfare.

moosic

2008-05-31T11:53:00.000-07:00

Once in a while I get completely blown away by a song, I get so completely obsessed, that it is all I listen to!
And for a little while it’s the first song on my iPod , and I watch all the youtube videos related to it, and a short-cut to the file appears on my desktop.

Last week i was madly in love with ‘Nothing else matters’, but i've only just discovered 'How to save a life' by The Fray...
*sigh*

2008-05-29T08:18:00.000-07:00

i've caught a cold!
yes apparently i'm capable of doing that even when it's 32°C outside!
:(

but i'm still drinking really cold water, and i had this green-apple soda with lots of ice in it (was good!), and i just took a shower...at 8:30 in the evening!

this weird thing happens when i catch a cold:
first my voice starts sounding a little husky, which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't followed by the sound-like-a-frog phase (or as the raccoon lord puts it: sound-like-bruce-willis phase)
and finally, the grand final phase involves losing my voice completely!
i know it's coming...
i'll wake up tomorrow and realise that i can only communicate through gestures.
*sigh*
shouldn't have had the apple soda.

restocking

2008-05-22T23:22:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday we celebrated restocking day.

It’s our monthly ritual. Once a month, me and my mum arm ourselves with a shopping list and an unnaturally large shopping bag, and head for this old ‘we-have-everything-you-can-pay-for’ store in Gariahat.
We replenish our supply of mostessential things. So now I have new floorcleanersoapdeodouranthandwashsoaplotiontoothpasteairfreshenersparetoothbrush etc.

*yay*

book-post

2008-05-19T22:45:00.000-07:00

i just finished reading two amazing books: A thousand splendid suns by Khaled Hosseini, and The shadow lines by Amitav Ghosh, and while they are completely different, i can't help but wonder at how similar the stories turn out to be. They talk about human emotion and relationships during a political crisis, and are set against the backdrop of war. The world that Tridib 'invents' is so strikingly similar to the one Laila dreams for Tariq and herself.
the alienatoin, the struggle of a nation and it's people, the 'war' not with the enemy but with the self, and the sacrifice.

then i read The wyrd sisters byTerry Pratchett, and it made me feel better! :)
i now like A thousand splendid suns better than The kite runner.

currently reading: Four past midnight by Stephen King.

The incredible SULK

2008-05-16T14:13:00.000-07:00

i'm having a bad day, and so i'll piss everyone else off.

*sulks*

...

2008-05-15T12:25:00.000-07:00

Slowly and most sneakily, the rain has taken over.

I remember you

*Thin sheets of rain, wrapped around you,
Clinging to you in diamond droplets…*

And I’ll never forget.

2008-05-13T12:10:00.000-07:00

and BAD conversations happen after booze!
but thanks anyway, for sticking around to watch me make a complete ass of myself!
:)

2008-05-04T08:34:00.000-07:00

the best conversations happen over coffee, on rainy evenings.
i'm so glad you're still here after all this time.
thankyoo :)

P.S.:Indthalia be nice...black forest be nicer!

encounter with salon-hag

2008-04-21T13:09:00.000-07:00

i HATE salon-hag!!
okay, i take that back...but i really, REALLY dislike her.
salon-hag makes me feel really bad about the way i look.
it's just the way she looks at my unstyled hair, un-manicured claws,
and finally the eyebrows!!
first she frowns, then she goes 'tut-tut', in the most annoying tone EVER...then she tells me that i should get them done more often...then she shears them off for me.
thank-eww...i looove how my hair looks now...not!
i'll not even mention the eyebrows...because they're mostly gone. *sigh*

you know salon-hag, there's one in almost every beauty-shop: 50+ matronly woman, frowny face, large, really mean.
you know.

2008-04-19T12:53:00.000-07:00

someday, I'll become them.
someday I'll crush the air out of someone else's lungs with my carefully cultivated misery.

my assorted pains, sealed away in jars...allowed to decay until they're fetid enough to suffocate me.

broken things

2008-04-09T12:25:00.000-07:00

broken things get fixed, with just a little bit of time and glue!
when each little piece had been put together...there was such profound sense of happiness in me.
I didn't know i could fix things!
usually things are either too big or too complicated to just glue back into place.

so, thankyou Somdev, for smashing the stupid thing!
:)

day

2008-03-28T14:26:00.000-07:00

*missed rhetoric and comp.
*fed puppy
*badcoffee and chips
*missed French class
*put ointment on PMD
*met Neelu's cat
*lost my cell phone.

P.S.:SP and LK helped me look for lost phone. thankoo.

sqiggle

2008-03-25T11:35:00.000-07:00

this funny thing happens every time i open my blog: sqiggle, my blue porcupine (right there, see?), scurries over to the left of his little box, and buries his snout there...refusing to emerge!!
i mean, it's no fun to have a pet who only stays on your screen for a few seconds, before running to hide!!
(go to 'bunnyhero labs' to get your own funny-looking-pet-you-won't-see-much-of!)

2008-03-18T11:37:00.001-07:00

if i could just talk about that leetle thing that's eating me, i'd be fine.
but i can't, because littlethingthatseatingme and i, have had an agreement (a 'covenant', to put it CCBicaly) never to aknowledge each other.
this way i will only need a shrink when i'm thirty.

2008-03-09T12:13:00.000-07:00

i met a snob today...and decided i don't like them much.

change...

2008-03-03T10:46:00.001-08:00

change is a BAD thing.

when people say 'change is good', they're lying!
it's just their way of trying to make you feel better about sucky things...

and suddenly, i'm wide awake...fiercely vigilant.
i see everything, hear everything...the slightest touch, noise, movement, sends my senses into a frenzy...
i need to take a break...

NEVER dring strong coffee before bed...it's BAD for you.

2008-03-03T10:46:00.000-08:00

"you're one of those fish that cause delays. And sometimes it's a good thing. There's
a whole group of fish. They're..'delay fish'."

Marlin to Dory, in 'Finding Nemo'

first rain of the season

2008-01-24T20:38:00.000-08:00

it rained yesterday.

*yayness*!
when we walked into Indthalia for coffee, i was hoping for rain...wishing for it,really truly wishing with all my wishiness.
and it rained.
when we stepped out, it was drizzling.
and suddenly everyone was hurrying, masses of people, like sheep...all scurrying for cover. like the rain would ruin their precious fluffy wool!
and i walked slooowly, getting the hurrying-scurrying people behind me soggy and irritated!
life's good! :)

Mathematics will save the world!

2007-12-10T06:05:00.001-08:00

Mathematics will save the world someday…I just know it!
Isn’t it sad though, that I’ve always hated this magical savior, thought it absolutely stupid…
But that’s probably because I was never any good at it!

I was watching this documentary about Apollo 13, the other day, and it said that the astronauts on board, knowing that they were only minutes away from destruction, frantically attempted to solve some complicated math problem, which was there only shot at survival…then they called base to have their answers checked!!

I understood nothing of the complex math problem they were talking about (yeah, that’s how thick I am when it comes to math!), but turns out, they did get it right!
And it saved Apollo 13!! Woohoo for math!

So you see, math will save the world…eventually…and I’ll have nothing to do with it!

2007-12-10T06:05:00.000-08:00

My father has always been a brilliant story-teller. He can make the most inane tales sound believable. And as a kid, I believed almost everything he told me…

Once when I was little, my Dad told me the story of how God finds the right parents for every kid:
When God had finished making a batch of babies, he said,(one can only imagine that God has a lot of baby-dough, which he shaped into individual babies, and put them in the heavenly oven to cook!), he would hand each baby a whole bunch of parent pamphlets, and glossy catalogues with pictures and brief descriptions of each set of parents to choose from.
Of course the descriptions were VERY brief indeed, because if he gave away the details, no parents would ever get picked, and heaven would be crawling with an entire population of accumulating babies!
So the babies picked the parents they wanted…(nobody said what’d happen if two or more babies wanted the same set of parents…hmmm…), and after every baby had been matched with it’s parents, they’d be sent down to earth…this is probably where the storks came in to deliver the ickle bundles of joy!

Dad said he was very grateful that I’d picked them!

2007-11-15T21:00:00.001-08:00

It doesn’t go away that easily.
It clings to your clothes, like a favorite perfume…
Lives between the pages of a well-loved book.
Like wildflowers in your hair.
Refusing to fade out, to die away.

And so it lives…

Dusk

2007-11-15T21:00:00.000-08:00

I was in a rickshaw, on my way home yesterday, when the lights went out.

But as I sat there, the nervous rickshaw-puller carefully weaving his way though the narrow by-lanes… I discovered a whole new array of sights and sounds that I otherwise wouldn’t have noticed!
The darkness had somehow transformed the familiar lanes and neighborhoods, suddenly, everything was quiet and still. Noisy people stopped talking abruptly, and even the stray dogs fell silent!
The sudden darkness had caught everyone off guard.

Fireflies! Who knew we had fireflies in the city!? And so many of them! But they’re there…these tiny, eerie glowing green lights in trees and bushes. I guess they’ve always been there…I just never noticed!

And I realized that you could pull weird faces in the dark, and nobody would notice!
So I did!
I smiled as widely as I could…at random people! And I pulled some rather bizarre faces…stuck out my tongue at absolute strangers! Then the headlights of a car flared up, and I stopped! But as soon as the headlights faded, I resumed grinning weirdly!

Once I got home, I ran up the stairs, rather noisily (the people I annoyed, would probably imagine I was some bratty ten-year-old!), and walked straight into our apartment, without stopping to acknowledge our rather unpleasant neighbor…I could just pretend I didn’t see him in the dark!

Darkness is liberating!

afternoon

2007-10-15T12:19:00.000-07:00

My world is bathed in that strange, beautiful afternoon sunlight.
Nostalgia.
Suddenly, I feel more helpless than I ever have…
I have to sit down and catch my breath.

My world is slipping…falling away.
Once again…I stand alone.
Reach out in the darkness. Searching.

My world is fading away fast…into twilight.
I’m losing Me.
Suddenly, it’s more than I can take…
I sink onto my knees, close my eyes.

It’s all gone now…

2007-10-11T12:18:00.001-07:00

Twice a day, I pass death on my way.

Death smiles at me.
A smile, that is at once, reassuring and terrifying.

I watch, unable to tear my eyes away from it.
The frantic clucking turns into a drawn out scream of agony.
That too, dies away.

Death looks up, from the puddles of blood, from the sanitized white-tiled floor,
and smiles.
A sickening, terrifying smile.

Death, in the bloody knife on the counter, in the money handed over.
Death: packaged, sealed and delivered.

Then it all gets swallowed up… in the all-consuming hunger that we live for, live in.

Death fades away.
Other sights and sounds take over.

It’s all sealed and shelved, until tomorrow…

2007-10-11T12:18:00.000-07:00

my frosted ginger-bread mornings…
my crisp arum-lily afternoons,
Mahogany nights.

Winter is here. I can tell.
Something has changed in the air.
The quietness has set in.

feeling good...

2007-10-08T06:44:00.000-07:00

got caught in the rain...yeay!
am dripping slush all over the floor now.

but i feel weally good!

2007-09-27T09:12:00.000-07:00

I need:

• A haircut
• The 1818 edition of ‘Frankenstein’
• Shampoo
• Stationary
• New shoes

I want:

• Ice cream
• A really trashy horror film
• Flowers
• New music
• A hug

I need:

• To forget
• Coffee
• Help

I want:

• To remember
• a walk in the rain
• ...

2007-09-09T04:43:00.000-07:00

this is less complicated than i thought it'd be...i know these people...maybe i knew them even before we met!

no, i'm not good at this...sohini will kill me! but i can't write about this, it's more than just a day of my life...
it's about undestanding, unwinding, maybe even letting go, and trusting people...

it only takes a few hours to begin a story...and a lifetime to finish it!

2007-09-06T11:40:00.001-07:00

Let the numbness set in…
Settle in.
Turn up the volume,
Shut out the world…

2007-08-28T08:06:00.001-07:00

'yesterday once more...'

2007-08-28T07:55:00.001-07:00

I miss school…I mean, I’m not saying this isn’t freakishiously amazing…college, I mean. It’s great, but I still miss everything about school.

It was familiar, for one thing! Fourteen years of security within those walls, my school- my sanctuary, always!
Well, it hadn’t always been great; I’ve had my share of horrid days, but you forget some…and by the time it’s over, all you remember is how wonderful it all was compared to the confusion that came after.
But we’ve sorted that out, haven’t we? And now the ‘settling down’ has begun…and yes, I’m feeling better.

2007-08-28T07:23:00.000-07:00

rain

(from my window)

rain

2007-08-28T07:05:00.000-07:00

It rained today.

I can’t even begin to describe the rain…I can tell you that I love it, that it’s beautiful, but that’d just never be enough!
But it always makes me feel better, even the buckets-of-water-pouring-down-am-soaked-to-the-bone kind of rain!
It soothes, it cleanses…
Time doesn’t stop, when it starts raining, but it stops being important…

Like steaming coffee on a cold day, or a hug when you need it…rain, always makes me feel better.
It’s reassuring…

Gullu

2007-08-23T08:18:00.000-07:00

she's my miracle!

she's really a lovely person...when she wants to be nice!

she purrs and snuggles up to you, and is a delightful warm an fuzzy cushion, especially in winter!

but you try giving her a bath! fluffiness flies out of the window, and she fiercely clings on to you, refusing to retract her claws! oww!

gullu - the only individual i really truly care about, everyone else can take care of themselves!

at dusk

2007-08-23T08:03:00.000-07:00

at dusk

FINALLY!!! it's taken me this long to actually upload one of my photos!

digicams rock!

guilt

2007-08-23T07:51:00.000-07:00

not guilty,
just not ready to forgive myself yet...
it's not about you,
not your fault...

just give me a moment,
some of my own time,
to catch my breath...
i've been running too long.

and childhood tiptoes out,
coffee with friends, sudden showers...
and the stillness closes in,
no, i can't see myself in the dark.