eventually, they get used to everything.

my family now knows how to walk in a little semi-circle around the cat to avoid stepping on her...it took them a year.
the same way as they pick their way carefully around unsaid things.

eventually it grows on you, you stop noticing the empty chair, conversation returns to the dinner-table, happiness seeps in through the cracks.

and suddenly there's a way to start over. but there are some things that never go away.
even if you do get used to the new, the old seems to linger.

loss

do you ever get the feeling that some things are too large, too stupendous for you to accept, or even register?
maybe when it does sink in, i'll be able to cry.
right now, it's this dead weight i cannot shed, a mass of emotion that i don't know what to do with, that i can neither escape, nor express.
i don't know whether to love them for trying to protect something they believed to be fragile, or hate them for depriving me of what i deserved to know.

grief is not something i'm quite used to

celebration

i don't understand why people want to 'escape' the mad excitement of Pujo in Kolkata.
it's everything, the people, sights, sounds, foodsmells, dhuno-smoke. absolutely everything about pujo is intoxicating, happymaking.
but the lights are the best part :)

Pujo (and pre-pujo week) has been absolutely fabulous this year. i've spent just enough time with family to keep them happy,and still managed to have fun in the time left over! thankyous to the peoples that are my fraands. :)
i have even braved Bijoya...the part of Durga Pujo that makes me want to duck under the bed and stay there.

it's all good :)

okay, except this one incident:
i ran into a whole bunch of my friends from school, the one time i was out with my mum! i mean, what are the chances??!

also, the only booze i've had this pujo, was with family :(

and i was groped on the bus :( and all i could do was ask the guy what is problem was, and tell him to back off. but he didn't.
it was a really crowded bus.

okay, three.

driftwood

let's not be drifters, please.
it's so much more difficult.

crisis

there's no way i'm ever going to make it.
there isn't enough time.

i feel like i'm not doing enough, there's people out there, making decisions...making changes.
people almost exactly like me...but i can't even make up my mind.

this isn't the time, or the place. it's all wrong.
what if i'm not ready to let go of these things, not ready to move on...then again, what if i never move on at all? what if this is all there is to it?
if i'm not ready now, maybe i'll never be.

security is not a good thing. it makes you want to let go. to just slow down and take it easy. but that way, there won't be any perfection, just me.

and that's not good enough.

confession

sometimes i don't get xkcd

*nods head sadly*


this one is great, though! very me :D

elevated

remember the expression 'jelly legs'?
today, i discovered for myself, the literal meaning of the phrase!
though the ankle still hurts...i feel great!
good trip, it was :)

i'd like to thank 'senior-dada' for leading the way :D