Monday, December 10, 2007

Mathematics will save the world!

Mathematics will save the world someday…I just know it!
Isn’t it sad though, that I’ve always hated this magical savior, thought it absolutely stupid…
But that’s probably because I was never any good at it!

I was watching this documentary about Apollo 13, the other day, and it said that the astronauts on board, knowing that they were only minutes away from destruction, frantically attempted to solve some complicated math problem, which was there only shot at survival…then they called base to have their answers checked!!

I understood nothing of the complex math problem they were talking about (yeah, that’s how thick I am when it comes to math!), but turns out, they did get it right!
And it saved Apollo 13!! Woohoo for math!

So you see, math will save the world…eventually…and I’ll have nothing to do with it!
My father has always been a brilliant story-teller. He can make the most inane tales sound believable. And as a kid, I believed almost everything he told me…

Once when I was little, my Dad told me the story of how God finds the right parents for every kid:
When God had finished making a batch of babies, he said,(one can only imagine that God has a lot of baby-dough, which he shaped into individual babies, and put them in the heavenly oven to cook!), he would hand each baby a whole bunch of parent pamphlets, and glossy catalogues with pictures and brief descriptions of each set of parents to choose from.
Of course the descriptions were VERY brief indeed, because if he gave away the details, no parents would ever get picked, and heaven would be crawling with an entire population of accumulating babies!
So the babies picked the parents they wanted…(nobody said what’d happen if two or more babies wanted the same set of parents…hmmm…), and after every baby had been matched with it’s parents, they’d be sent down to earth…this is probably where the storks came in to deliver the ickle bundles of joy!

Dad said he was very grateful that I’d picked them!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

It doesn’t go away that easily.
It clings to your clothes, like a favorite perfume…
Lives between the pages of a well-loved book.
Like wildflowers in your hair.
Refusing to fade out, to die away.

And so it lives…


I was in a rickshaw, on my way home yesterday, when the lights went out.

But as I sat there, the nervous rickshaw-puller carefully weaving his way though the narrow by-lanes… I discovered a whole new array of sights and sounds that I otherwise wouldn’t have noticed!
The darkness had somehow transformed the familiar lanes and neighborhoods, suddenly, everything was quiet and still. Noisy people stopped talking abruptly, and even the stray dogs fell silent!
The sudden darkness had caught everyone off guard.

Fireflies! Who knew we had fireflies in the city!? And so many of them! But they’re there…these tiny, eerie glowing green lights in trees and bushes. I guess they’ve always been there…I just never noticed!

And I realized that you could pull weird faces in the dark, and nobody would notice!
So I did!
I smiled as widely as I could…at random people! And I pulled some rather bizarre faces…stuck out my tongue at absolute strangers! Then the headlights of a car flared up, and I stopped! But as soon as the headlights faded, I resumed grinning weirdly!

Once I got home, I ran up the stairs, rather noisily (the people I annoyed, would probably imagine I was some bratty ten-year-old!), and walked straight into our apartment, without stopping to acknowledge our rather unpleasant neighbor…I could just pretend I didn’t see him in the dark!

Darkness is liberating!

Monday, October 15, 2007


My world is bathed in that strange, beautiful afternoon sunlight.
Suddenly, I feel more helpless than I ever have…
I have to sit down and catch my breath.

My world is slipping…falling away.
Once again…I stand alone.
Reach out in the darkness. Searching.

My world is fading away fast…into twilight.
I’m losing Me.
Suddenly, it’s more than I can take…
I sink onto my knees, close my eyes.

It’s all gone now…

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Twice a day, I pass death on my way.

Death smiles at me.
A smile, that is at once, reassuring and terrifying.

I watch, unable to tear my eyes away from it.
The frantic clucking turns into a drawn out scream of agony.
That too, dies away.

Death looks up, from the puddles of blood, from the sanitized white-tiled floor,
and smiles.
A sickening, terrifying smile.

Death, in the bloody knife on the counter, in the money handed over.
Death: packaged, sealed and delivered.

Then it all gets swallowed up… in the all-consuming hunger that we live for, live in.

Death fades away.
Other sights and sounds take over.

It’s all sealed and shelved, until tomorrow…
my frosted ginger-bread mornings…
my crisp arum-lily afternoons,
Mahogany nights.

Winter is here. I can tell.
Something has changed in the air.
The quietness has set in.

Monday, October 8, 2007

feeling good...

got caught in the rain...yeay!
am dripping slush all over the floor now.

but i feel weally good!

Thursday, September 27, 2007

I need:

• A haircut
• The 1818 edition of ‘Frankenstein’
• Shampoo
• Stationary
• New shoes

I want:

• Ice cream
• A really trashy horror film
• Flowers
• New music
• A hug

I need:

• To forget
• Coffee
• Help

I want:

• To remember
• a walk in the rain
• ...

Sunday, September 9, 2007

this is less complicated than i thought it'd be...i know these people...maybe i knew them even before we met!

no, i'm not good at this...sohini will kill me! but i can't write about this, it's more than just a day of my life...
it's about undestanding, unwinding, maybe even letting go, and trusting people...

it only takes a few hours to begin a story...and a lifetime to finish it!

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Let the numbness set in…
Settle in.
Turn up the volume,
Shut out the world…

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

'yesterday once more...'

I miss school…I mean, I’m not saying this isn’t freakishiously amazing…college, I mean. It’s great, but I still miss everything about school.

It was familiar, for one thing! Fourteen years of security within those walls, my school- my sanctuary, always!
Well, it hadn’t always been great; I’ve had my share of horrid days, but you forget some…and by the time it’s over, all you remember is how wonderful it all was compared to the confusion that came after.
But we’ve sorted that out, haven’t we? And now the ‘settling down’ has begun…and yes, I’m feeling better.


(from my window)


It rained today.

I can’t even begin to describe the rain…I can tell you that I love it, that it’s beautiful, but that’d just never be enough!
But it always makes me feel better, even the buckets-of-water-pouring-down-am-soaked-to-the-bone kind of rain!
It soothes, it cleanses…
Time doesn’t stop, when it starts raining, but it stops being important…

Like steaming coffee on a cold day, or a hug when you need it…rain, always makes me feel better.
It’s reassuring…

Thursday, August 23, 2007


she's my miracle!
she's really a lovely person...when she wants to be nice!
she purrs and snuggles up to you, and is a delightful warm an fuzzy cushion, especially in winter!
but you try giving her a bath! fluffiness flies out of the window, and she fiercely clings on to you, refusing to retract her claws! oww!
gullu - the only individual i really truly care about, everyone else can take care of themselves!

at dusk

at dusk
FINALLY!!! it's taken me this long to actually upload one of my photos!
digicams rock!


not guilty,
just not ready to forgive myself yet...
it's not about you,
not your fault...

just give me a moment,
some of my own time,
to catch my breath...
i've been running too long.

and childhood tiptoes out,
coffee with friends, sudden showers...
and the stillness closes in,
no, i can't see myself in the dark.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007



The lid is slammed shut, all is silent,
A few tears shed, a few heads bent,
The coffin is lowered into the freshly dug grave,
The epitaph reads: 'Resurgam, death is but a slave.'

Winter is here, cold winds blaze,
The Juniper stands alone in the wintry haze.
“I wait for when the birds will hum,
Resurgam, spring will come.”

The music dies out, the lights dim,
He bows deeply to the people before him.
The actor stands alone with his talent and his knack,
“The last role is played, but, Resurgam, I’ll be back.”

Dusk approaches wiping away all light,
The Autumn sky darkens, welcoming the night.
The sun sets, removing all sorrow, all pain,
Assuring: “Resurgam, I shall rise again.”

[“Resurgam” is Latin for “I shall rise again”.]


'remember where we are now
open your eyes,
take it all in,
remember where we are now,
this is where your life begins...' ('remember' by Allister)

that's playing on the CD-player right now...and yeah, it fits!
i'm ready to do this...this fresh-start thing is waaaay exciting...
sooo ready to take life by it's bunny-ears!

this is what i wanted...this is how it's s'posed to be...
why are my palms all sweaty?!!

it's easier this way...

And when you see me tomorrow,
I’ll be wearing that smile
The one you love…

You’ll believe me when I say I’m fine,
You know better…
But some things are best left unsaid,

It’s easier this way…

I’ll be reassuring, and comforting,
And I promise, I’ll have all the answers,
You’ll never know
How lost I really am,

It’s easier this way…

I simplify, organize chaos,
Sort disorder into neat categories,
Don’t remind me how confused I am,
Trust me,

It’s easier this way…

Thursday, July 5, 2007


Change is a good thing…right?
Then why is it that I’m having trouble letting go? What if I don’t want to grow up…don’t want to move on?
What if I want to stay? Just take a break, quit running for a moment…

I’m not just another face without a name…not a rebel…just me…
And I’m not sure that’s good enough.

But tomorrow’s a new day…

Thursday, June 28, 2007

depressed ramblings

i'm waiting for something interesting to happen...i mean, really, boredom needs a break sometimes!

it's one of those depressing cloudy days...
i wonder if nature does this stuff on purpose to bug people! no, i guess she does have better stuff to do...
someone bring out the board games, and order pizza...pleeeaaase!

i should be writing poetry, cloudy, depressing days bring out the poet in me...and i write depressing poetry, which depresses other people, which in turn depresses me some more...
ain't i just such a bundle of joy?!

even my cat hates me!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

this is stupid...

it's 11:55, on wednesday night, and i'm here...typing stuff!
this is downright stupid!

i started keeping a journal when i was thirteen...and this is exactly what it felt like, initially...stupid! it's been five years, and i haven't ever stopped writing, so u know!

if you're reading this...i'm sorry, it's really late, and a better part of my brain has signed out for the night!
i'll post some better stuff soon, i promise...
till then,