staged encounters

that sums up my week.

p.s.: the blog lives.

Diva

heirloom

the house that is suddenly empty, has been sifted through, and in unlikely corners, secret treasures have been found.
silver anklets that jingle.
coins...silver coins, about fifteen of them, and one that looks new, even though it was minted in 1919.

cure

I hate doctors.

no offence to doctors, really. i know quite a few in person, and they're all very nice people, i have absolutely no reason to complain.
but, soon as they go to work, and get all brisk, professional and doctory, i want to have nothing to do with them anymore.

this should not be confused with being 'afraid of doctors', which is not what it is, not at all! it's dislike, really!
paediatricians are great, but all their attempts to distract me, when i was a kid, only made me more nervous and suspicious. he'd be saying "so, do you have any pets?", and I'd just know (with that freaky 6th sense thing that 6 year olds are supposed to have) that he had the hepatitis shot ready in his hand.
i mean, they're sooo noble, they save lives... i know! but they also trick children with candy and friendly chitchat!

i must go see a doctor i about an hour, who will scrutinise and say judgmental things about my tonsils. what if i like my tonsils!?

given a choice, i'd keep the achey neck and swollen nodes! okay, not really.
but i don't want to see a doctor!
:(

malady

okay, let me explain my situation to you.
i have swollen lymph nodes on my neck, which means that my face is now round, so that i look something like this:


I'm also running a temperature,have the most spectacular neck-ache, and every time i try to chew something, my lower jaw hurts like it's going to fall off.
this has compelled me to sacrifice, among other things, a steak sizzler lunch.

also, my belief that my parents either
a) have the mental development of five year olds, or
b) secretly want to kill me
has been reaffirmed by the fact that they tried to give me a disprin pill, 'dissolved' in cold water! upon remembering that disprin is in fact supposed to be dissolved in warm water, the heated the entire mess, half dissolved disprin and all, and then made me drink it.

I've been surviving on liquids for the last couple of days, and because my Dida is away, i have absolutely no one to fuss over me.
my cat only sticks around so that she can curl up under my blanket, and my Dad has been trying, in his own special annoying, nagging-tone, to convince me to wrap a scarf around my head.

and there's never anything good on T.V. *sigh*

eventually, they get used to everything.

my family now knows how to walk in a little semi-circle around the cat to avoid stepping on her...it took them a year.
the same way as they pick their way carefully around unsaid things.

eventually it grows on you, you stop noticing the empty chair, conversation returns to the dinner-table, happiness seeps in through the cracks.

and suddenly there's a way to start over. but there are some things that never go away.
even if you do get used to the new, the old seems to linger.

loss

do you ever get the feeling that some things are too large, too stupendous for you to accept, or even register?
maybe when it does sink in, i'll be able to cry.
right now, it's this dead weight i cannot shed, a mass of emotion that i don't know what to do with, that i can neither escape, nor express.
i don't know whether to love them for trying to protect something they believed to be fragile, or hate them for depriving me of what i deserved to know.

grief is not something i'm quite used to

celebration

i don't understand why people want to 'escape' the mad excitement of Pujo in Kolkata.
it's everything, the people, sights, sounds, foodsmells, dhuno-smoke. absolutely everything about pujo is intoxicating, happymaking.
but the lights are the best part :)

Pujo (and pre-pujo week) has been absolutely fabulous this year. i've spent just enough time with family to keep them happy,and still managed to have fun in the time left over! thankyous to the peoples that are my fraands. :)
i have even braved Bijoya...the part of Durga Pujo that makes me want to duck under the bed and stay there.

it's all good :)

okay, except this one incident:
i ran into a whole bunch of my friends from school, the one time i was out with my mum! i mean, what are the chances??!

also, the only booze i've had this pujo, was with family :(

and i was groped on the bus :( and all i could do was ask the guy what is problem was, and tell him to back off. but he didn't.
it was a really crowded bus.

okay, three.

driftwood

let's not be drifters, please.
it's so much more difficult.

crisis

there's no way i'm ever going to make it.
there isn't enough time.

i feel like i'm not doing enough, there's people out there, making decisions...making changes.
people almost exactly like me...but i can't even make up my mind.

this isn't the time, or the place. it's all wrong.
what if i'm not ready to let go of these things, not ready to move on...then again, what if i never move on at all? what if this is all there is to it?
if i'm not ready now, maybe i'll never be.

security is not a good thing. it makes you want to let go. to just slow down and take it easy. but that way, there won't be any perfection, just me.

and that's not good enough.

confession

sometimes i don't get xkcd

*nods head sadly*


this one is great, though! very me :D

elevated

remember the expression 'jelly legs'?
today, i discovered for myself, the literal meaning of the phrase!
though the ankle still hurts...i feel great!
good trip, it was :)

i'd like to thank 'senior-dada' for leading the way :D

molar

i'm getting a wisdom tooth.

technically, a 'mandibular third molar'.
this extremely painful process, wikipedia tells me, usually results in the growth of oddly angled teeth. which, to avoid complications, are generally removed.

what if i don't want wisdom teeth? i mean, they're entirely unnecessary chewing-wise, and they certainly don't live up to their name!

i don't really have a choice, do i?

'have you been high today...?'

why yes, i have! how very nice of you to ask!

:D

weird

the other day, i had the most bizarre thing happen to me.
i was walking (yuss, i do this a lot!) along gariahat road, and rather slowly because there's always this entire mass of people who move in a particular direction along the sidewalk, and you can only walk as fast as the person in front of you, or you'll end up either pushing people or stepping on their toes!

so as i walked sleeewly, random guy walking in the opposite direction, drew up close to me, leaned over, and smelled my hair!!!

i mean, wtf!!? what is that even supposed to mean?!!!
does that at all count as eve-teasing? because he didn't really do anything to offend me, just really freaked me out!
maybe he was conducting some sort of shampoo-user survey...maybe!



p.s.: it's a free country, you can choose to be a blur if you want to. but only if you really, really want to.

kittystrophe!

i rescued ze kitten :)




the black kitten (of a litter of four), tumbled down the rain-water drainage pipe, and got stuck.
which was followed by a lot of distressed mewing.the mother cat sat next to the drain-pipe and waited :O.
and it rained, i was so sure it'd drown, or suffocate.
but when i found it at the bottom of the pipe, sodden and with a splayed arm, it was still breathing.
so i dried it and took it back to it's mum, which stupid creature realised it was hers, only after sniffing it for a whole minute.

but issokay now. it's a little fluffball again, and i think the arm's healing (by arm, i mean foreleg :))

conspiracy

Parental-Unit M decided to take me shopping.

Parental-Unit D frowned, and said: 'you shop too much...where would you put all that stuff anyway, you're running out of storage space...look at me, my clothes occupy exactly one and a half shelves (this is an enormous lie btw). you really don't need all the things you buy...etc.'
and then in a sort of stage whisper, to P.U.M., added: 'you know how much she's going to spend on things she'll never use.'

Parental-Unit M changed her mind, and decided to go for a walk instead.

WishList

mewants...



(click image for fullview)
:)

tag

okay, I've been putting this off for a little while, but I've been tagged by Reeti, and i like this tag, and therefore i shall do it! because it's MY blog, and i can. so ha-ha!

the reason I've been avoiding writing this is that my first day at Jadavpur was not what i would have liked for it to have been at all, not even close. and i wish i could say that without offending people who probably won't even read this.

i remember a lot of the same things as everyone else :rain and mudsquelchy JU, filling in the fee-book (at which point someone at the table lost her head completely, and said: "ekhane ki school-er naam likhbo?"!) on the day of the admission,
and PB's aquaguard and vampires, Mandy's very colourful skirt, and somebody beside me crying her eyes out (and when i asked, the girl next to her told me that she couldn't believe she actually got into JU!)
yes, i was just a leetle freaked! but i was insanely happy because i really liked the place.

but my initial experience at JU was rather different, more difficult than for those who already knew other people in class. everything i did, was a sort of experiment.
making new friends was not incidental, it was more of a conscious decision.
like steering clear of the people i hung around with on the first day, almost immediately after they asked where i was taking tuitions from.

my first day at Jadavpur was a disappointment.

and eventually i made the change (at the cost of sounding bitchy and inconsiderate: i ditched some people, and I'm sorry), and I'm glad i did.

thankew (yes yoo, and yoo, and yoo etc.) for making the Joo so much better for me :)

blatta

how long do cockroaches live?
if they're not squashed underfoot as youngsters, that is.

there's this cockroach that sneaks into my loo every night, and waits patiently behind the wash-basin till i come in and shoo it away, at which point it scuttles back down the drain-pipe.

it's a gentle, harmless creature.
but I'm not sure if it's the same cockroach, because it's been turning up with extreme regularity every day for about a month now!
do you suppose it's a whole bunch of cockroaches who decided to take turns to visit me?

anyway, it needs a name, what should i call it?

emopost

random things i remember:

#1. stuff: the HPFC, Wayne Rooney, OJ, the badge, Schumacher.

I and S, i miss you, but i hope i never run into either of you again.

#2. crush:
'Bosco beats' (band performances) 2005.
lead singer of the DBPC band was cute, and had this silkysmooth voice and a dimpled smile...he sang 'She will be loved'(yes, i know it's a corny song.)
instantcrush :)
*
don't remember his name.


#3. conversation:
NC: let's meet at Abhinandan at 10, okay?
RK: 'Abhinandan'!! is that what we always called the place?!
NC: that's what the store is called, stupid!
RK: na, kintu the name sounds so stupid!
NC: haan, naam-ta bhishon corny, na?
RK: sounds stupid when i say it now...



i miss school.

War

there was a war.

but this is how all my battles go:
i scowl (while trying to think up arguments that will stump the enemy),
i say mean things (tell the person they don't deserve my love\loyalty\attention\affection\respect), i scream\stomp my feet\sob\try emo. blackmailetc.(depending on who i'm up against)
i always, ALWAYS have the last word.
and obviously, i stop talking to the person afterwards.

eventually i find myself in the same room\classroom\bus\cab\car with person in question, at which point i do the stupid-grin-i'm-NOT-sorry-but-let's-not-do-this-again routine.
always works :)

you must understand that this doesn't happen that often, so sometimes things get royally screwed up. but when things go according to the battle-plan... *yay*
:)



the warlords

my Dida taught me the art of verbal warfare.

moosic

Once in a while I get completely blown away by a song, I get so completely obsessed, that it is all I listen to!
And for a little while it’s the first song on my iPod , and I watch all the youtube videos related to it, and a short-cut to the file appears on my desktop.

Last week i was madly in love with ‘Nothing else matters’, but i've only just discovered 'How to save a life' by The Fray...
*sigh*

i've caught a cold!
yes apparently i'm capable of doing that even when it's 32°C outside!
:(

but i'm still drinking really cold water, and i had this green-apple soda with lots of ice in it (was good!), and i just took a shower...at 8:30 in the evening!

this weird thing happens when i catch a cold:
first my voice starts sounding a little husky, which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't followed by the sound-like-a-frog phase (or as the raccoon lord puts it: sound-like-bruce-willis phase)
and finally, the grand final phase involves losing my voice completely!
i know it's coming...
i'll wake up tomorrow and realise that i can only communicate through gestures.
*sigh*
shouldn't have had the apple soda.

restocking

On Wednesday we celebrated restocking day.

It’s our monthly ritual. Once a month, me and my mum arm ourselves with a shopping list and an unnaturally large shopping bag, and head for this old ‘we-have-everything-you-can-pay-for’ store in Gariahat.
We replenish our supply of mostessential things. So now I have new floorcleanersoapdeodouranthandwashsoaplotiontoothpasteairfreshenersparetoothbrush etc.

*yay*

book-post

i just finished reading two amazing books: A thousand splendid suns by Khaled Hosseini, and The shadow lines by Amitav Ghosh, and while they are completely different, i can't help but wonder at how similar the stories turn out to be. They talk about human emotion and relationships during a political crisis, and are set against the backdrop of war. The world that Tridib 'invents' is so strikingly similar to the one Laila dreams for Tariq and herself.
the alienatoin, the struggle of a nation and it's people, the 'war' not with the enemy but with the self, and the sacrifice.

then i read The wyrd sisters byTerry Pratchett, and it made me feel better! :)
i now like A thousand splendid suns better than The kite runner.

currently reading: Four past midnight by Stephen King.

The incredible SULK

i'm having a bad day, and so i'll piss everyone else off.

*sulks*

...

Slowly and most sneakily, the rain has taken over.


I remember you

*Thin sheets of rain, wrapped around you,
Clinging to you in diamond droplets…*

And I’ll never forget.

and BAD conversations happen after booze!
but thanks anyway, for sticking around to watch me make a complete ass of myself!
:)

the best conversations happen over coffee, on rainy evenings.
i'm so glad you're still here after all this time.
thankyoo :)

P.S.:Indthalia be nice...black forest be nicer!

encounter with salon-hag

i HATE salon-hag!!
okay, i take that back...but i really, REALLY dislike her.
salon-hag makes me feel really bad about the way i look.
it's just the way she looks at my unstyled hair, un-manicured claws,
and finally the eyebrows!!
first she frowns, then she goes 'tut-tut', in the most annoying tone EVER...then she tells me that i should get them done more often...then she shears them off for me.
thank-eww...i looove how my hair looks now...not!
i'll not even mention the eyebrows...because they're mostly gone. *sigh*

you know salon-hag, there's one in almost every beauty-shop: 50+ matronly woman, frowny face, large, really mean.
you know.

someday, I'll become them.
someday I'll crush the air out of someone else's lungs with my carefully cultivated misery.

my assorted pains, sealed away in jars...allowed to decay until they're fetid enough to suffocate me.

broken things

broken things get fixed, with just a little bit of time and glue!
when each little piece had been put together...there was such profound sense of happiness in me.
I didn't know i could fix things!
usually things are either too big or too complicated to just glue back into place.

so, thankyou Somdev, for smashing the stupid thing!
:)

day

*missed rhetoric and comp.
*fed puppy
*badcoffee and chips
*missed French class
*put ointment on PMD
*met Neelu's cat
*lost my cell phone.


P.S.:SP and LK helped me look for lost phone. thankoo.

sqiggle

this funny thing happens every time i open my blog: sqiggle, my blue porcupine (right there, see?), scurries over to the left of his little box, and buries his snout there...refusing to emerge!!
i mean, it's no fun to have a pet who only stays on your screen for a few seconds, before running to hide!!
(go to 'bunnyhero labs' to get your own funny-looking-pet-you-won't-see-much-of!)

if i could just talk about that leetle thing that's eating me, i'd be fine.
but i can't, because littlethingthatseatingme and i, have had an agreement (a 'covenant', to put it CCBicaly) never to aknowledge each other.
this way i will only need a shrink when i'm thirty.

i met a snob today...and decided i don't like them much.

change...

change is a BAD thing.

when people say 'change is good', they're lying!
it's just their way of trying to make you feel better about sucky things...

and suddenly, i'm wide awake...fiercely vigilant.
i see everything, hear everything...the slightest touch, noise, movement, sends my senses into a frenzy...
i need to take a break...


NEVER dring strong coffee before bed...it's BAD for you.

"you're one of those fish that cause delays. And sometimes it's a good thing. There's
a whole group of fish. They're..'delay fish'."


Marlin to Dory, in 'Finding Nemo'

first rain of the season

it rained yesterday.

*yayness*!
when we walked into Indthalia for coffee, i was hoping for rain...wishing for it,really truly wishing with all my wishiness.
and it rained.
when we stepped out, it was drizzling.
and suddenly everyone was hurrying, masses of people, like sheep...all scurrying for cover. like the rain would ruin their precious fluffy wool!
and i walked slooowly, getting the hurrying-scurrying people behind me soggy and irritated!
life's good! :)